Now, I know the question that is on every woman's mind... what exactly is it that guys want in a woman? Now, some of you may have some idea, and I'm sure that some of you may think that you know... but I'm here to disspell all the rumors, maybes, and what ifs. Now, I'm not a typical guy in every fashion, so keep in mind that this is really what this guy wants. As well, this is more or less a joke, just for laughs... so gimme a break.

What Men Want in a Woman:

She must have the body of a high-class stripper (without four million things pierced, more tattoos than your uncle the sailor, or tits that make your waterbed weep with envy).
She must have a recipe repertoire that makes Donna Reed look like a featherweight in the kitchen.
She should have the labido of a fifteen year old boy, with the sexual orientation and openess of a female pornstar.
She should have a mouth that looks and feels soft, but says things that make Richard Pryor roll over in his grave.
She should have the wardrobe of a Victoria Secrets model, and should never wear more but often wear less.
She should have hot girlfriends over for sleepovers and allow you to watch what happens after the frisky pillowfight.
She should love to exercise, do yoga, pilates, etc... and insists that you record her as she does so naked.
She should have underwear that are etible, and sometimes she eats them before you get the chance to... while still on her body.
She should be able to hold her own in the "who was better back in the day, Stallone or Schwarzenegger" debate (and if she supports Stallone... volunteers to do jumping jacks in a wet, see-through sports bra).
She should distract your friends while you are playing video games by dropping things and then getting them somewhere nearby.
She should love to play video games, but should be able to be distracted as one of her girlfriends drops things and then picks them up nearby.
She should love to skinny dip because it reminds her of those times at girlscout camp.
She should only really like to go to the mall to check out girls, and even tries to pick several of them up while there.
She should be able to stay up really late, and takes the initiative to write things on your friends' faces with permanent marker when they fall asleep.
She should be of the philosophy that "dancing is simply better on top of tables".
She should have a porn collection that makes Larry Flint do a doubletake.

Well... this pretty much covers it, at least for now. Again, this is meant for a laugh, but it really isn't that far from what most of us dream about. So, take it for what it's worth.